I will find you: an "I Have Lost My Way" review

Getting lost in life is common, I feel. There are times when we lose sight of what we want and don't know where to go. Sometimes we don't know what we've wanted this whole time. Being stuck is excruciating, but how to get out? That's half the battle, and if you're in deep enough, good luck finding your way out.

But what if there was a way? Gayle Forman seemed to be confronting this based off the flop copy of her 2018 novel I Have Lost My Way. Before this, I hadn't read any book by Forman, but I had heard good things about her writing, the quiet character studies and sweeping romances of her young adult fiction. I checked the audiobook for this title out on a whim, curious to get a taste of Forman for myself, hoping for greatness.

And I found it. I Have Lost My Way is an invigorating character study from start to finish, an intimate look at three different young adults as their lives connect one day in Central Park. They find each other in an accident, and the stories of their lives spill out as they gain each other's trust over the course of a day. There may be an insta-love romance and some phrasing that's a little awkward, but there's a lot of heart at the center of this novel. With diverse perspectives written respectfully, great character development, and wonderful adventures, Forman has crafted a truly wonderful read, quick but unforgettable.

---

Freya is a biracial singer-songwriter whose micromanaged debut album recording has been cut short due to her losing her voice. Harun is a Pakistani Muslim struggling with being closeted in a religious family who believes he's a dutiful son, not sneaking around to see a boy who no longer wants to see him. Nathaniel has grown up in the woods of Washington, now venturing to New York to visit his dad, "the fellowship of two" ringing in his head. When Freya falls off a bridge and lands on Nathaniel, Harun the witness, the resulting concussion for Nathaniel brings the three of them together. As they go from place to place, the three grow closer, shedding secrets along the way. But is this friendship meant to be, or will it lead to inevitable destruction?

Right off the bat, it's important to note the portrayal of the people of color. I really like that Forman, a white woman, did a great job at portraying young adults of different races, religions, abilities, and even sexualities with Freya, Harun, and Nathaniel. It's clear she did research and/or had several beta readers read over her work, because the three's voices read very well and are respectful to the specificities of who they are. Also, Forman allows her characters to exist outside of their labels, even though for Freya and Harun, they play a huge part in how they were shaped as children.

Speaking of the protagonists, they're all incredible in their own ways. Brought to life by Nicole Lewis, Sunil Malhotra, and Michael Crouch in the audiobook, Freya, Harun, and Nathaniel uncover their losses bit by bit throughout I Have Lost My Way. Each step back fleshes them out more. Freya's lost relationship with her older sister amidst increasing loss of control in her career and self-doubt about the genuineness of the feelings of her fans; Harun's secrecy in his relationship with James and his sexuality, how he wants to present himself in front of his family versus who he wants to be; Nathaniel's tendency to repress his true feelings when it comes to his life and relationship with his dad, suffering from an undiagnosed mental illness and irresponsible with caring for his son and the house, resulting in an accident that gave Nathaniel a glass eye; these backstories are gripping and allow a reader to empathize with the characters, but they also help them understand why their initial sticking together doesn't have the best intentions at first. Freya believes Harun might be a former fan willing to sell the falling incident off to the tabloids, damaging her reputation. Harun believes that if he keeps hanging around Freya, maybe he can convince her to perform for James and get him back. Nathaniel just wants to be left alone, hoping Freya and Harun will take the hint after he says he's okay for the millionth time. But like glue, they stubbornly stick together, and it ends up working out for them in a marvelous way.

The trio's friendship is really beautiful, and I love that Forman decides to accent it in scenes that allow the three to build their chemistry. The awful quick clinic, the greasy diner Harun and James used to frequent, the community softball game, and Harun's family dinner give the characters opportunities to interact with New York at large but also with each other. They create fun memories, and I found myself smiling as their escapades continued, leading to some hilarious and eye-opening moments. They do create a romance between Freya and Nathaniel, something I found suffered from insta-love, especially since they're only getting to know each other over the course of a day. But unlike The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon, a similar YA novel to Forman's, I feel like the narrative reinforced that they'd have time to grow. Yes, there's an instant attraction between the couple, but the sparks build, unlike the immediate flame I got burned by with Yoon several years ago (immediate curiosity leading to stalking? No thanks).

Forman's writing throughout the novel matches the intensity of the characterization. Outside of a few choice phrases and words (including mentions to genitalia I found unnecessary), her prose is elegant, detailed for each character's psyche and perfectly capturing the environment of each location the trio visits. I also like how she holds back from diving further into a character right before we understand more about them, third person narrative easily shifting into first. It's quite remarkable to find a novel so attuned to its characters that the writing flows out naturally. Forman has that gift here.

I Have Lost My Way is a journey of a read, and a near perfect one at that. Outside of a romantic subplot and writing revolving around it that felt strange, the novel itself is the opposite, relishing in fully-realized people as they navigate their losses and gain faith that they won't lose the fated connection they remarkably found. Pick this one up if you're craving character-driven stories or want a more intense version of Yoon's aforementioned The Sun Is Also a Star. It's an excellent voyage, one where new friends await at the end.