Something to get off my chest: an "Actually, I Am" review
Secrets. They're sometimes things we hold close to our chests, lips zipped tight. Sometimes we confide them to a few people, hoping they won't tell anyone. Sometimes they're our greatest assets. Sometimes they're our greatest weaknesses. And sometimes they lead to startling discoveries.
I first read the basis for this anime series, a manga by Eiji Masuda under the localized name My Monster Secret (the anime was released with a direct translation of the Japanese title, Jitsu wa Watashi wa). I was immediately charmed by Masuda's distinct character art, the way characters seemed larger than life with big heads, bigger eyes, and even wilder facial expressions. The content itself was also sweet, a pseudo-harem romantic comedy with wacky scenarios and desperate attempts to keep supernatural happenings under wraps. I enjoyed what I read, and a few years later, feeling bad for myself one Sunday night, I opened Amazon Prime Video and binged the first six episodes of the anime, hoping to find that same magic from years prior.
Thankfully, I did. Actually, I Am feels like a hidden gem from the other shows within its genre. It's as lewd as you'd expect from something harem-adjacent, including that one sexual character who makes the protagonist grab her boob, causing a nosebleed and a chorus of "Pervert!" However, it's earnest in a way I haven't seen from a lot of harem anime, pseudo or not. Each character grapples with dishonesty and the risk that if they reveal their deepest secrets, their dearest relationships will change. The happiness they get from being with those they love is precious, and the fears of what will happen if that gets destroyed are just as potent. It's also funny to watch people scramble around and try to cover up for each other, even if it does get repetitive. But the center of this story, an oblivious young love where neither character knows how to articulate their feelings, cements a fun high school romantic comedy with a supernatural twist. Although the animation, the score, and some of the voice acting aren't the strongest, this is a charming series perfect for a binge in the time of self-isolation.
Asahi Kuromine can't hide anything. Referred to by his friends as a "leaky basket," he has no poker face and can't keep a secret, even if he doesn't say a word. That's how Okada, Sakurada, and Shimada know he's had a crush on classmate Youko Shiragami for a year. Wanting to confess but afraid of how it went last time with another classmate, his friends encourage him to share his feelings with Youko (although they pointedly express through body language that he'll get rejected by her). Knowing she stays late after school, he goes to the classroom and finds her sitting on a desk, wings unfurled from her back. It turns out the supposed cool and reserved beauty has a secret of her own: she's a vampire. Through her Osaka dialect, she reveals the painstaking methods of keeping her vampire identity a secret, and now she has to say goodbye to her school life since the jig is up. Asahi, realizing how miserable she must have been all the time he's known her, decides he'll keep her secret if they can be friends. It might be impossible, but Asahi's willing to take the chance, even if he'll never be able to tell Youko how he feels.
But there are more supernatural happenings going on at school than Asahi realizes. The student body president is an alien. His childhood best friend harbors a kind heart inside her malicious body, but she may have a connection to the supernatural as well. Youko's friend is a wolf man. The school principal is a demon in the body of a little girl with a penchant for sweets, and she's related to Asahi's teacher. Where is this all coming from? And does Youko even like him? Will he ever be able to tell her his feelings? Or will other girls reveal confessions of their own?
As far as plot goes, Actually, I Am doesn't feel far removed from other supernatural high school pseudo-harems within the genre. A bewildered boy is surrounded by a gaggle of people, including a few love interests, and there are constant challenges to test the connection between our protagonist with each character. The young women within the show fall into archetypes themselves: ditsy and bright + initially illusive, harsh but hiding feelings + respectable figure, scary but kind + childhood friend, and lewd + childhood friend, to name a few. It might not feel completely new to some viewers (I remember a reviewer on Anime News Network found it very nostalgic of 90's and aughts harem anime), but I think what makes it work is the earnestness I was addressing earlier. Through all the attempts at keeping identities hidden, the characters find themselves distracted, not listening to their hearts. Some are just oblivious, but characters like Youko and Nagisa, the latter the student body president who's actually an alien, defy this rule. Youko sees sparks between Asahi and Nagisa that seemed to be destroyed long ago, although Nagisa finds herself developing new feelings for our lead character. However, Youko isn't quite sure what to make of herself when the inklings of love strike in her heart, and Nagisa knows Asahi loves Youko and doesn't want the friendship the three of them have to be affected by a change. It's very sincere amidst trying to explain why a tiny version of Nagisa exists or preventing the world from ending thanks to a demon-conjured asteroid. I found myself relishing those moments when watching the show.
There are also nice characters within Actually, I Am. Each one is distinct from color palette to personality, and the group as a whole is charming throughout the run. Their hidden layers add meat to work with outside their rote characterization, and they create more depth. However, some are detached from the narrative. As the Asahi, Nagisa, and Youko dynamic anchors a lot of the romantic conflict, Mikan, the childhood friend, feels like an afterthought despite her development. Shiho, Youko's childhood friend and nymphomaniac extraordinaire, is the same. Even Asahi's three friends could have received more time due to how distinct they are (Shimada's blatant horny behavior and Sakurada's effeminate air, delivered perfectly bu Wataru Hatano, come to mind). However, what we got worked well, and this kind of breezy anime doesn't really need much to keep it going. Spunk and zaniness are enough.
TMS's animation for the show, on the other hand, leaves something to be desired at points. Although the animation makes good use of its color palette and translating Masuda's wilder facial expressions, characters go off model quite a bit, and some frames can feel flat with additional light or shading on top of the colors. The score and voice acting falls into the same boat. Akito Matsuda's composition is cute and spunky, fitting with the vibe of the series, but a lot of pieces used are arrangements of the show's primary insert song, "Hologram" by MINMI. When it comes to the cast, much of their performances are great. Natsuki Hanae never hesitates when it comes to giving his all as a protagonist, and Yu Serizawa's Youko is endearing and adorable. Where I was primarily surprised was voice actors using higher pitches for their voices, in particular Emi Nitta as Ms. Koumoto. I didn't find her acting as a teacher believable. Perhaps it's because the students feel closer to her than a typical authority figure, but I'm not sure. Despite that, most of the voice acting is good for this show, and we wouldn't have gotten Aya Uchida's ridiculous Shiho without it, so...take it or leave it!
Actually, I Am may not be the strongest pseudo-harem anime for a lot of people, but I feel like it's charming in a way other shows in the genre aren't. The enthusiasm anchoring its ridiculousness is endearing, and its focus on acknowledging our wildest secrets alongside the ones we should be saying brings great emotional honesty to a romantic comedy like this. If news on the coronavirus has got you down, maybe this series will help. It may be over the top, but it definitely cheered me up when times were rough. Hopefully it does the same for you.
