Drowning in emotion: a "new skin" review
VÉRITÉ is another artist I accidentally stumbled upon. She was the opening act for Saint Motel at a local university's Homecoming, and because I'm a sucker for women in alternative music, I gave her a listen. As soon as the first pulses of "When You're Gone" hit my ears, I was hooked. Her debut album, Somewhere in Between, is a bleak but powerful record centered on bad relationships and mind-numbing depression. Despite its dark content, the imagery of the lyrics, the power of VÉRITÉ's vocals, and some great production made the album one of my favorites in 2017. Even checking out her backlog proved all the great qualities of her music had remained constant since the beginning. I knew I had to continue following her.
On the last day of May 2019, VÉRITÉ released the lead single from a new project, "gone." The first song she wrote for the record, it marked a new chapter for her music, one where she was in full color instead of black and white. Although the subject matter was familiar, the slowly-building orchestral track leading to an explosive and emotional chorus was new and exciting. Even the lyrical content was showing a new side to VÉRITÉ, one more vulnerable and willing to expose her own insecurities without anything to hide behind. "gone" hits hard, a desperate plea for a lover to stay with her, because "the quiet [they]'re leaving / Is louder than screaming." That white noise leads VÉRITÉ back to a place where she views herself as "a stick of dynamite / The threat / Of explosion / Constantly strapped to [her lover's] side." It's a dangerous feeling, but perhaps if she and her partner "leave the clothes and mess [they] made up all on the floor," she won't feel that way. If they leave, they'll really be done.
But perhaps that's what's best, as the signs of new skin unravel and expose darkness lurking in the corners of the bedroom. Following a toxic relationship from its fiery start to its miserable restart, VÉRITÉ doesn't hesitate to reveal every horrid detail of the experience. Doubts and pauses are laced through beautiful alt-pop beats, and they linger as VÉRITÉ's vocals catch, intertwine, and harmonize over the downward spiral. It's not an easy listen despite how short it is, and although I feel like the record would have benefited from more songs to really explore the decision VÉRITÉ comes to by the final song, new skin has powerful moments and visceral emotions that sink in and haunt, echoes of the past coming back again.
The title track is the first glimpse into VÉRITÉ's declaration for this new era. "I got / New love, new skin / To wrap myself in / New lows, new sins / To lose myself in / New heart, new limbs / To bury myself in," she sings over the soft and elegant swell of instrumentation in the back. It's a crisp and optimistic way to start off the record, and the hope begins to burn hot as "good for it" strikes its first notes. With a sick bass groove post-chorus, this sultry track simmers as VÉRITÉ tracks down a new lover. Although propelled forward by hook-ups and an idealistic future waiting on the incline, something's not quite right. "I wanna be everything I promised when I / Swore I was honestly / Good for it," VÉRITÉ sings, and even though confidence is radiating off her, there's a note of desperation hiding behind the swagger that isn't sure she'll be able to stick the landing this time. Is it worth it to keep her word if it "means more than breaking [her] neck [or] heart in two?"
Perhaps not, if "ocean" has anything to say about it. The track starts off with a slow and melodic churn of synth before picking up snaps of percussion and rich texture. VÉRITÉ becomes consumed by her lover's emotional labor, and the dependency on them turns sour. "I need someone to stay / Late morning when I hate / My body and I need somebody," she confesses, sex a "familiar machine" as she loses herself in it. That desire to have her lover comfort her quickly turns into blaming them for her self-hatred, which seems not far off the mark. After all, if this person is the "mistake [she] needs to keep from choking," they must have done something to leave her like this. "youth" reveals quite a lot after a brief interlude, as VÉRITÉ finds herself at a loss for words on how to describe the ways her lover has mistreated her. What she does say, though, cuts deep. "I'd waste my time on you, / Fuck up my life for you, / And you wouldn't look / Back for me, no, not once," she bites over the churn of a keyboard. For better or worse, she's locked in this cycle of "show[ing] up at [his] door at 3, 4 in the morning" to ease his libido and "numb the wires in [her] brain" that are screaming at her to stop. She isn't listening, though; she's "too high to think," and that scary and heartbreaking fact reverberates through the absolute misery of the situation, fading out into another interlude that pulses with vigor, signifying a turn in the story.
It's a far from pleasant one, as expected from VÉRITÉ's past acute analyses of these relationships. Both "body in my bed" and "faded" center around the same subject matter: disconnection. The former is about the partner's absence, how VÉRITÉ no longer recognizes her lover, how they don't treat each other like they used to despite the routine. The latter is a reciprocal vanishing act, harsh jabs and comforting caresses turning stale, leaving both partners like ghosts. The coping mechanism? "medicine," quite literally. Although the track starts off rather gracefully, it becomes ominous as soon as VÉRITÉ utters, "No one loves me / I don't love me." This peaks in the pre-chorus when she acknowledges, "You've been lying, and / I've been lying, and / We've been lying 'cause / Liars lie." It seems like both parties have recognized the relationship decaying and are doing anything they can to salvage it. If that includes constant sex and denying any faults, so be it.
But it doesn't work. "think of me" reveals the consequences: VÉRITÉ's partner is cheating on her. Although she pretends it's not happening, she sees the signs, and she's furious. VÉRITÉ describes this song as the one "with both middle fingers in the air." It shows. "I hope you fuck her with your eyes closed / And think of me," she snaps, the beat picking up steam behind her with the crack and pop of a drum kit. VÉRITÉ wants her ex's poor decision to follow them around. No matter how many times they try to apologize and swear they love her, she knows the truth. It's a proud and defiant moment worth its glory, so that's why it hurts more (and admittedly feels rather abrupt) when "gone" and "amnesia" follow. Once VÉRITÉ realizes her own doubt on letting the relationship pass in "gone," "amnesia" shows her accepting the situation. "I'll settle for you / You're what I want / This bad taste in my mouth I can't wash out / I'll stay up for you / I'll wait outside your door / I'm not what I was, you're not who you were before," VÉRITÉ whispers in the first verse. This weary confidence placed over minimalist synths and a pulsing kit hits hard, because as the track goes on, VÉRITÉ sounds less and less sure of the decision she's making; she's lost the victory she felt when she knew her partner was having an affair. Does she even want this, or is she doing this to please the one she's with? Perhaps they're the one who needs this more than her. The answer: "I'll be what you want / ...Love, I'll be better / If you'll show me how / 'Cause I can't stand this place that I live in, but I can't get out." That revelation, the lack of control in the only solution she has in mind that makes her feel loved, guts. It paints the cycle of an abusive relationship: wanting to leave but feeling obligated to your partner, even if you owe them nothing. VÉRITÉ conveys the pain of this so well, and although this dire ending comes rather quickly within the arc of the album and may not be a satisfying conclusion for some listeners, it points out how flawed turning a new leaf is, how this album started. No matter how much we try and resolve ourselves into changing, we find ourselves back in the same patterns regardless.
I think that's what makes new skin such a compelling listen. Some listeners may find it wallows in its own self-pity and doesn't have the kind of ending worth rooting for, but there's a honesty to VÉRITÉ's intense dissection of a toxic relationship. It's worth the listen. It may be difficult, but some may be able to recognize themselves in the lyrics, stories of recognizing the off-kilter moments but still holding onto hope regardless, even if they shouldn't. Put this on your queue if you're in the search for some good, cutting alt-pop.